Ok please read this all the way through. not just the first part, but the whole journal please.

I feel as if I can't trust anyone, friends, family, anyone, and everyone. How do I know if I tell someone my feelings they won't just laugh at me. Sometimes I feel like just crying. I'm so tired lately and I can't get out of it. I'm either sad or angry every day for weeks, probably even months. This isn't a suicide note and I'm not going to commit it. Because the only thing that's probably keeping me alive, is hope for my future, and my constant fear of death. I can only tell my cats about my days and hard ships. I take anyone of them and take them to my room with the shut door. I hold them while I'm on my bed and talk to them as I cry. I can tell them everything because I know they can't tell anyone. There always there for me, smiling, trying to cheer me up, even when I'm not sad. I don't know why I feel like this, but I know that I've always had it. My father doesn't care about me. I feel like he doesn't care about me or my dream. He thinks that everything I say and do is to be mean or sarcastic to him. I know that he would treat me like a god if I was his son instead. He treats me like a slave. He says that slavery was and is bad. But he's nothing but a hypocrite. He's trying to crush my soul and spirit, like he did to my sister. But I fight back and I won't let him win the battle and have the satisfaction. The projects I have for school make no sense. I'm so afraid that if I can't finish it, I'll fail class, get held back, no college would want me, and I won't be able to learn what I want and need, to be able to succeed in my dream of being an animator. I feel as if I'm a failure in everything. And that I won't be able to accomplish anything. I'm sick of it all. I just want to leave and escape. There's no peace were I live. I don't want to go home. There's no fun or excitement. There's nothing to do. Just the same routine. I want to leave, explore, have fun. I'm trapped here. And it's suffocating me, burying me alive. I can't escape now. And I fear that I will never escape.

This may seem long but the thing is, this is what I feel everyday for probably the past month or so.
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Also I'm having the hardest of times getting fucking poses right, I can see it so clearly in my mind but i just can not get it down on paper for my life. Especially over view and under view poses.
So if anyone knows how to make these poses can you please help me or if you know any turotiles((cant spell)) can you show me them because i can not get them.
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I also think i might have some colors in mind for my fan OC's but im still not sure. Ill make some of them in poses with there colors and post them up when i have a tablet and ask people which one they like most. But if you have any ideas than shoot.((which means tell me or go ahead, and so on, and so forth))
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-----pic updates-----((mainly all of these pictures are on hold because I want to finish my requests I have first))

-TABLET ((when I get it and get used to it))

finished-
half done-
not started-


Death's Despair--still need to get pose right((This one might be a drawing first and then digitally made))

Remember-

That's Life-

Lookout post(back view)-

Lookout post(front view)-

If it could rain-

What the world was-((unsure if should be front view or back view. might make a front and a back))

The last tree- tableted-((drew, but will be tableted when i get one))

Only in my dream-

Comic-((still dont have a title))
---
Disney pixar FAN characters

TOY STORY-

A BUGS LIFE-

MONSTERS INC.-

FINDING NEMO-

THE INCREDIBLES((mabey))-

CARS-

RATATOUILLE-

WALL.E-

UP-

-DRAWN
--REQUESTS-- All of these are requested by

1 vampire-

2 vampire-

3 & 4 vampire-

5 vampire-

6 vampire-

7 vampire-

8 vampire-

9 vampire-coming soon-a bit of schedual((cant get the fucking pose right))

10 vampire-~~~~~~~~~These characters belong to one of 's friends

12 vampire-

15 vampire-

18 vampire-

also someone in real life, in my core, asked me to draw her a pic of 6 because thats her fav character in the movie. I'm going to giver her a copy of it though and post up the original.

plus all the pics from here and down on Aren't going to be posted untill i Have all of the vampire 9 requests done and posted up.

6-

--others--

17-

69--redoing

27--redoing

3.5-

-4-

-3-

-6--need pose

1000-

113-

99--still need to post up-might redo((unsure yet))

49--redoing

58--need pose

79--need pose

Mas and Menos((plus and minus))--still need to post up

0's christmas outfit--((making more than one and redoing the first))

new ID-((not sure what to be yet))

Marionette--still need to post up

Demonic marionette--still need to post up


if any of you guys have any ideas for poses for the ones that I need, feel free to ask cause im busy in other things and dont have enough time to think of them right now.

for now